Coaches Interview: Casey's Crusaders

Name: Leo Bacino

Team: Casey’s Crusaders

Years in CSFA: Seven

Occupation: A little of this, a little of that. Let’s put it this way, I make enough to pay my CSFA dues. I used to be the power behind Don’s throne.

Interests beyond football: My true religion is baseball. I also read enough to be in the nerd category (like everyone else in this league). My new rescue dog, Nickolai, is a particular joy. We lost Casey suddenly almost two years ago and Nicky has really filled a void. He is also a Siberian husky and is quite a character.

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: The law of averages.

Why chicks dig fantasy football: I doubt that the “chicks” who dig fantasy football are the kinds we would want to meet.

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? Sorry, but neither of them ever really did it for me. I always liked Jane Jetson. I think she is the most underrated cartoon babe. I also like the new esurance babe with the pink hair.

Beatles or Elvis? John Lennon said it best: “Before Elvis, there was nothing”.

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John?

Which Stooge are you? Either Steve or Don.

Cubs or Cardinals? Cubs, of course.

Crime or punishment? This doesn’t apply to me because I’ve always been sort of a fair-haired boy. No crime, no punishment.

This is interview number eleven in a series of twelve.

Coaches Interview: Minnesota Northboars

Name: Steven Rodrick

Team: The Minnesota Northboars

Years in CSFA: I had the first pick in the first ever draft of the CSFA. So you could say I’ve been in the league longer than anyone.

Occupation: I sell clothing to old ladies. Sad, but true.

Interests beyond football: reading, long walks in the rain and puppies. Lots of puppies.

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.

Why chicks dig fantasy football: Who are we kidding? They don’t. We’re dweebs. Yes, you are.

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? Six, from Tripping the Rift. It’s just wrong.

Beatles or Elvis? These would be musicians that my older brother listened to. Therefore, I must hate them.

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John? I always thought Ringo was the best actor of the bunch.

Which Stooge are you? Well, Given the assumption that Rick is Moe and Don is Larry (no, not Fitzgerald), then I must be Curly or Shemp or whatever one is left.

Cubs or Cardinals? We kinda like the White Sox around here. Cub fans feel entitled to something they haven’t earned, while Cardinal fans are kind of slow, if you know what I mean. And don’t get me started on Yankee fans.

Crime or punishment? Crime is more fun……or maybe punishment is. What is the punishment, exactly? Anything involving fur-covered handcuffs, count me in.

This is interview number ten in a series of twelve.

Coaches Interview: Sycamore Ons

Name:Don Rodrick

Team:Sycamore Ons (formerly Maine Movers)

Years in CSFA: I think this is 16

Occupation: Bookseller with a minor in Commissioning

Interests beyond football: Books, Computers, Jimmy Johns sandwich #2, The Roku Box.

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: I try to stay competitive all season. You got to be in it to win it. That said, I never think I’m really gonna win it.

Why chicks dig fantasy football: Hey, chicks dig nerds. Plus sometimes we got the long ball and we all know chicks dig the long ball.

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? Betty. Page, of course.

Beatles or Elvis? Going with the Beatles. Not a big fan of either but they certainly have my respect.

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John? John. Paul’s just a punk-ass whiner.

Which Stooge are you? The one in the middle of course. Larry.

Cubs or Cardinals? Gag.

Crime or punishment? Please sir, may I have another? Or have I said too much?

This is interview number nine in a series of twelve.

Coaches Interview: The Balled egos

Name: Matt Stear

Team: The Balled Egos

Years in CSFA: All of them.

Occupation: Building construction equipment.

Interests beyond football: Skiing, camping, bicycling, golfing, SCUBA diving. Spending time with family and friends.

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: The law of averages.

Why chicks dig fantasy football: I think, from time to time, that most women fantasize about kicking the ball between the uprights.

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? If I’ve got to pick a cartoon character, it’s got to be Li’l Annie Fanny.

Beatles or Elvis? Beatles. (Although, if there hadn’t been an Elvis there wouldn’t have been the Beatles.)

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John? John (“Everybody loves you when you’re six feet under.” – John Lennon)

Which Stooge are you? The only one I can remember is Iggy Pop.


Cubs or Cardinals? Cubs.

Crime or punishment? I chose the Cubs; you decide.

This is interview number eight in a series of twelve.

Coaches Interview: The White Tornado

Name: Ralph Hesse

Team: The White Tornado

Years in CSFA: I was the first expansion team in year #2

Occupation: Insurance agent

Interests beyond football: Baseball-Yankees, most sports, running, I run marathons and half marathons, church volunteer

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: Luck, in fact most of these leagues are pure luck

Why chicks dig fantasy football: because they are single

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? Patti Hesse

Beatles or Elvis? Chicago

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John? George

Which Stooge are you? Moe of course


Cubs or Cardinals? Yankees and Packers

Crime or punishment? How about a ball game, any park, with a brew and a dog,and friends.

This is interview number seven in a series of twelve.

Coaches Interview: Iowa State Cutting Edge

Name:Joshua D Rodrick

Team:The Iowa State Cutting Edge

Years in CSFA:9

Occupation:Manager of Store Operations Hy-Vee Inc. Urbandale,IA

Interests beyond football:Eating, Beer, Movies and Video Games

Why my team will win the CSFA championship:Cause the Yankees are going to win the World Series, the Hawks are going to win a BCS Bowl and I need this for the trifecta

Why chicks dig fantasy football:Cuz she likes to look at my big…………TV?

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? Betty but not Rosie O’Donnell

Beatles or Elvis? Beatles

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John? John

Which Stooge are you? Not sure, Larry maybe

Cubs or Cardinals? Yankees, Duh!

Crime or punishment? Crime, I’ve never been much for consequences

This is interview number six in a series of twelve. Each coach should feel free to add questions, especially in the second half of the interview which will allow those of us who have already suffered the opportunity for additional suffering. What could go wrong with that?

Coaches' Interview: Cheeba's Homecats

Name:Mike Dexter

Team:Cheeba’s Homecats (Team was named after family pet who has gone on to the great litter box in the sky. How many cats do you know who leave that kind of legacy behind? I’m just saying. That was some kind of pet.)

Years in CSFA: This is my 20th season.

Occupation: Head Football Coach- Cheeba’s Homecats. Moonlight as a pastor of Trailhead Christian Church. It is really the front for an extremist cult, but they haven’t found us yet. Montana is pretty big.

Interests beyond football: Family, church, reading, guitar, hunting, fishing, camping, good coffee, a warm fire, and cheesecake. I believe cheesecake and coffee will be served in Heaven. I don’t have it on strict authority, but I’m confident.

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: This is my 20th season. The stars are in alignment. I just wish I had more on my team. But, I like our chances. As long as my Mannings don’t get hurt, and TO would give me a TD now and then. The Bills wouldn’t make the college top 25. Well, they probably would, but nobody would be really impressed.

Why chicks dig fantasy football: They do? My wife thinks I’m nuts for playing this for 20 years. Are you saying she ain’t a chick? This interview is over.

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? Ok, I’ll keep answering. Is Dino an option for this question?

Beatles or Elvis? I like both. But have to go with The King.

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John?

Priscilla. Sure sounds better than Wilma or Betty.

Which Stooge are you? I’m Booger, third cousin, twice removed. Sometimes you see me in the background. I’m the one with my finger up my nose.

Cubs or Cardinals? Braves. Rockies. And I really don’t feel sorry for the Cubs. They can keep losing.

Crime or punishment? Redemption my boys, Redemption. Say it out loud to yourself. Redemption. That is the order of the day. Praise and glory.

This is interview number five in a series of twelve. Each coach should feel free to add questions, especially in the second half of the interview which will allow those of us who have already suffered the opportunity for additional suffering. What could go wrong with that? Josh, you’re on the clock for next week.

Coache's Interview: Iowa PIK Acres

Name: Rick Rodrick

Team: Iowa PIK Acres

Years in CSFA: All of them. I made this whole thing up!

Occupation: Professor of Communication Studies at University of Wisconsin—La Crosse

Interests beyond football: Board Gaming; Model Railroading

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: The PIK Acres have periodically won championships in the past and I expect the patterns of the universe will eventually align in our favor again some day.

Why chicks dig fantasy football: It allows them an opportunity to follow NFL football by having a rooting interest in a number of different players from different teams. Pretty much the same reasons guys dig it.

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? Elizabeth Perkins over Rosie O’Donnell

Beatles or Elvis? I am truly a child of the Beatles era. My first LP was not the Beatles but Beatles imitators called “The Merseyside Sound” which my trying-to-be-helpful mother could not distinguish from an actual Beatles’ album. After all, the haircuts were all the same!

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John? I loved the winking fun of “Paul is dead” in the 60s but the world truly became a smaller and meaner place when John was killed. He was my favorite Beatle although I love them all.

Which Stooge are you? I don’t really know the 3 stooges well. I never enjoyed their humor. Don or Steve could tell you which I am.

Cubs or Cardinals? NO! NO! A thousand times NO! Moving to Iowa at 13 was tough enough. Being surrounded by Cubs and Cardinal fans made it a walking nightmare, brrrrr. My two favorite baseball words are “Twins Win” (see 1987 and 1991 MLB seasons for specific reference).

Crime or punishment? Not so much.

Thank you, Matt, for this opportunity to share. Thank you coaching brethren for participating in this fun expercise!!

This is interview number four in a series of twelve. Each coach should feel free to add questions, especially in the second half of the interview which will allow those of us who have already suffered the opportunity for additional suffering. What could go wrong with that? Travis, you’re on the clock for next week.

Coache's Interview: Cedar Rapids Vi-Kings

Name: Mark Witham
1. Team: Cedar Rapids Vi-Kings

Years in CSFA: I don’t remember, but long enough to remember the typed results sent to us by mail and the phone calls to the commissioner to give our teams for the week

Occupation: Sales for Waste Management

Interests beyond football: church, marriage mentoring, golf, kids and family.

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: All around talent. We don’t depend on one or two guys to carry the team. We are a real team!

Why chicks dig fantasy football: Big bellied coaches and bald heads!

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.
Wilma or Betty? Wilma. I am partial to red heads.

Beatles or Elvis? Elvis THE KING!
Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John?

Which Stooge are you? Curly

Cubs or Cardinals? Cubs

Crime or punishment? Punishment

Note to all coaches in the league:
You guys are awesome. I am so glad those many years ago I was invited into the fraternity of gentlemen (Well, you know what I mean). I only hope I am in this thing long enough to actually meet everyone in person. I have about half the league in so in about another 15 years I will have reached my goal. It has been made very apparent in this league that it is not about the winning, but the relationships we make. Have a great season fighting for second place (I didn’t say who was going to be first, but you know who you are).
Coach Witham

This is interview number three in a series of twelve. Each coach should feel free to add questions, especially in the second half of the interview which will allow those of us who have already suffered the opportunity for additional suffering. What could go wrong with that? Rick, you’re on the clock for next week.

Coaches Interview: The Shermer Thunder

Name: Tyler Matteucci

Team: Shermer Tunder

Years in CSFA: Going on year number 2

Occupation: Student

Interests beyond football: Cooking, reading, and video games

Why my team will win the CSFA championship: Divine Intervention

Why chicks dig fantasy football: All the awesome math and stat projection sheets!

Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast.

Wilma or Betty? Betty

Beatles or Elvis? Beatles

Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John? Paul

Which Stooge are you? I consider myself to be the ring leader so I’ll have to say Moe.


Cubs or Cardinals? Cubs

Crime or punishment? Crime, getting punished is no fun.

This is interview number two in a series of twelve. Each coach should feel free to add questions, especially in the second half of the interview which will allow those of us who have already suffered the opportunity for additional suffering. What could go wrong with that? Mark Witham, you’re on the clock for next week.

Coache's Interview: The Hell Fire

Name: Matthew Clemens Team: Hell Fire Years in CSFA: This will be season fourteen. Championships: One (ask Steve the year, he's the only one who knows for sure). Occupation: author. I write crime fiction with my partner Max Allan Collins. Self-serving plug: The new book, You Can't Stop Me, will be out in March, 2010. Interests beyond football: Fantasy baseball, movies, books, and an unnatural relationship with golf. Why my team will win the CSFA championship: This would be the blind squirrel and acorn theory. Why chicks dig fantasy football: They don't. Chicks dig the long ball. Now the truly serious questions that separate man from beast. Wilma or Betty? Betty. Beatles or Elvis? Beatles. Secondary question if your answer was Beatles, Paul or John? Paul. Which Stooge are you? Well since I'm married and all wives are Moes, I am by default left with Larry, Curly, Shemp, and Curly Joe. My truest answer is I believe I'm a Curly but I'm probably just a Larry in Curly clothing. Cubs or Cardinals? Thankfully, I can defer here and say Astros/Red Sox. Crime or punishment? Made that one up, but I like crime way more than I like punishment. This is interview number one in a series of twelve. Each coach should feel free to add questions, especially in the second half of the interview which will allow those of us who have already suffered the opportunity for additional suffering. What could go wrong with that? Tyler, you're on the clock for next week.